I’ve committed a crime. In my book, I would consider it a felony. I don’t have a mugshot, only because I have never endangered the public with my delinquency. My crime? Owning a pair of Crocs. Just like other criminals, you try to carry out your wrong doing in a way that you will never be caught. I have secretly worn my Crocs behind closed doors. If I am positive nobody will spot me, I will venture outside in my Crocs to pick up all the treasures my little dog has left behind in the back yard. But, NEVER the front yard, that is too risky. Just like a 16 year old hoping not to get caught with a bottle of Mad Dog, you would hide in a basement, not chug it on the front porch.

I don’t delight in admitting I own a pair. In fact, it makes me feel a little dirty. My only refuge is knowing that I did not pay for them. They were a gift purchased from QVC. (That makes it feel even filthier.) How could it get worse? They are hot pink. I love pink, but seeing these shoes in that color seems like some sort of pigment abuse. People drone on about how comfortable they are, but if I wear them more then 45 minutes they hurt my feet. Even if they were like walking on a cloud, is it really worth looking that ridiculous?

Wearing Crocs really say something about a person. I am just not sure exactly what that is. (Maybe you can tell me.) All I know is my gut reaction. I saw a guy in khaki Crocs today, and my first thought was, “What a pansy.” Last year I was meeting a guy for the first time that I had been writing to for months. I was enthusiastic about our rendezvous, I smiled as he walked toward me and then my eyes were drawn downward. There he was with blue Crocs on. I immediately thought to myself, “Oh no, this is NOT going to work.” If you don’t have the decency to wear appropriate footwear when you meet me for the first time, you might as well not even show up. In fact, if I could have walked past him and pretended I was looking for somebody else, I would have. All because of his despicable shoes.

I am positive that I have offended somebody. There are few people out there who can say they don’t own a pair, or who can’t walk out their front door and throw a decent shoe at somebody who is wearing Crocs. I am not a the only one, there is a website dedicated to it. There is one positive thing about Crocs, and only one. You know those people who are out there sporting Crocs would be wearing flip flops or open toe sandals if they didn’t have those hideous Crocs on. There is nothing I hate more then having to see feet exposed in ugly footwear. I would rather endure my eyes burning when spotting Crocs then seeing bare feet.