I have to start by saying I am a total tool. I was sitting in an average, adult lecture surrounded by at least 55 people listening intently to the speakers. For an event that lasted two hours, I lost interest about 32 minutes into the presentation. The surrounding doors had been closed. I was too self conscious to walk in front of the others and try to make an escape. I didn’t want to be rude to those who felt they had something important to say. I was completely distracted by the woman behind me who insisted on gnawing on carrots during the entire production. Her chomp was all I could hear. I was approaching the moment where I was going to do the quick turn and shoot her the “I know it is you” look. As I was preparing my best evil eye…SHOCK HORROR, I hear a muffled “Sexy Back.” Oh God, are you kidding me? My cell phone was ringing!! I scrambled to find my beastly phone. Completely mortified and agitated, I could feel the heat shooting off my red cheeks. Once the phone was located all I could do was open it without answering. My friend on the other end of the line is wondering what is up as she is listening to dead air. (Later she informed me she was worried I needed help of some kind.) I handed the phone to my friend in the next seat because I as far too distressed to figure out how to mute it. I made a silent plea, “Please mute it before Donna Summer starts singing.” Lookin’ for some hot stuff baby this evenin’ would play for all, if my friend on the other end called back to leave a message. Please, no. This is far worse then the carrot nibbler.

Most of my cohorts can vouch for the fact that half of the time my cell phone is either sitting at home when I need it, or the battery is dead. Of course when I would prefer to sit in a crowd anonymous, I have a fully charged phone with me, ready to serenade the group of fake intellects. I can’t tell you how many times I have looked at others with disgust when their phones rang at inappropriate times. If you know you are going to be at a get together that requires quiet to show respect to others around you, why aren’t you genius enough to shut off your phone? It was pure stupidity on my part. The person who calls me 95% of the time was sitting next to me, so I never imagined I would get another call. So, what is everybody else’s excuse?